ineke.co.uk

The people have spoken. It's the battle of the best friends.

Final

— LADbible (@ladbible) September 20, 2019

I bet if you had ‘I’ll Be There For You’ played at your funeral, people would still do the little claps.

— Richard Osman (@richardosman) September 22, 2019

A millennial reboot of friends:
– They don't meet for coffee before work because who does that
– Everyone is too tired to do anything
– No one speaks to Ross because he's basically an incel
– They all live hours apart and rarely meet but say they should hang out more often

— TechnicallyRon (On all the platforms) (@TechnicallyRon) September 22, 2019

Me: How was your day?
8yo: I just worry they are doing it wrong.
Me: Doing what wrong?
8yo: They separate everything so we can’t understand anything. Who says music isn’t really math or math isn’t science really? Someone made categories but the world is a mushier than that.

— RanaAwdishMD (@RanaAwdish) September 20, 2019

Wait – so Biff, Chip, and Kipper aren’t their real names? MIND BLOWN 🤯 pic.twitter.com/kzRGWR5dVG

— Stui Chaplin (@StuiC) September 22, 2019

Good evening.

A llama is just a giraffe sheep.

Send tweet.

— Dave (@davechannel) September 23, 2019

If Boris knows his Pizza Hut menus he will now take this to the Super Supreme Court!

— Milton Jones (@themiltonjones) September 24, 2019

Boris Johnson is currently in New York, where he was born, and will soon be attempting to enter the UK.

Maybe you're right, @BorisJohnson, maybe we should send back any migrant who breaks our laws?

I think your fellow New Yorker mate called it "extreme vetting".#SupremeCourt pic.twitter.com/2noPIfaXDP

— Femi (@Femi_Sorry) September 24, 2019

If a teacher or a nurse acts unlawfully, they'd lose their job immediately.

Why not doesn't a Prime Minister?#resignboris#resignjohnson

— Alex Tiffin (@RespectIsVital) September 24, 2019

To give him his due, he has packed an extraordinary number of failures, embarrassments and humiliations into his 61 days as PM. Impressive.

— Stephen Mangan (@StephenMangan) September 24, 2019

If you like pina coladas
And getting caught in the rain
Today must have been a great day for you#GBBO

— innocent drinks (@innocent) September 24, 2019

September last week:
"Look how warm and sunny I am. Take off your coat, put away your umbrella, you won't need them this year."

September this week: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

— innocent drinks (@innocent) September 25, 2019

Anyone got somewhere I can kip tonight? https://t.co/IFgHzkE0Dj

— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) September 25, 2019

There it is:

Boris Johnson, 2016
“Why should we have to do what EU laws tell us what to do!"

2019
“Why should we have to do what UK laws tell us what to do!"

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) September 25, 2019

Just had a Miranda moment. Weird, as I'm sort of Miranda. Took my jumper off before a delivery guy arrived. Didn't realise the top underneath had dropped & was hanging UNDER my bra. Opened the door, chatted. Didn't realise til 10 mins later. Please send me your #mirandamoments x

— Miranda Hart (@mermhart) September 27, 2019

Before they were officially joined in 1873, the twin cities of Buda and Pest were just as likely to be referred to collectively as Pest-Buda.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) September 27, 2019

Join me in praying for MPs, their families and staff, across all parties at this difficult time, especially those who face unacceptable abuse and intimidation. We must model good disagreement in our debates, and show respect and support for those in public service.

— Archbishop of Canterbury (@JustinWelby) September 27, 2019

Ok, we live in difficult times, so let’s try and gain some clarity. If there was a General Election tomorrow, who would you vote for? Who could bring us all together? Please RT, it’s important.

— Richard Osman (@richardosman) September 27, 2019

Nobody in Britain can believe it’s nearly October

— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) September 28, 2019

Michael J. Fox’s middle name is Andrew.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) September 28, 2019

Mathematicians have just discovered a third way to represent 3 as the sum of three cubed numbers. The first is 1³ + 1³ + 1³, the second is 4³ + 4³ + (-5)³, and the third is 569936821221962380720³ + (-569936821113563493509)³ + (-472715493453327032)³.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) September 28, 2019

BBC latest:
NOT ACCEPTABLE
Calling racism “racism”

ACCEPTABLE
Calling for riots#IStandWithNaga pic.twitter.com/fHOXhiL7jZ

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) September 27, 2019